Emergence

e-mer-gence |iˈmərjəns|

noun

the process of coming into being, or of becoming important or prominent

I've always thought of my life to be stuck, maybe beneficially so, in a state of constant emergence. Is this technically possible since emergence seems to imply a pre- (start) and post- (end) stage? As a child I thought in terms of child/adult, where I would "not be" or "not know" at one point and "be" and "know" at a later point. But nearly every aspect of my life continues to prove otherwise, and for better or worse, just when I start to feel I have a grasp on something a new landscape is revealed. It's like the video games where you have a birds-eye-view of your character on the screen and, before completing the game objectives, you must walk and explore the darkness to reveal the map. Then and only then, when you can see the larger picture, you can develop your strategy for success.

On the contrary, real life is not a game. It's similar to a game, and we play a lot of games within a life, but a game it is not. The exploration of the map continues, partly because the map is so big, but also because it changes all the time. It's exciting to be sure, and there is a lot of truth in the idea that "life is not about the destination, but the journey," but don't we all want to feel like we got somewhere? Don't we all want to emerge?

Okay, I do value the journey and believe in the goodness of learning as a never-ending process. I think my worry about not emerging stems (pun intended) from the definition of the word. Important. Prominent. I feel important to my family, but I don't feel important in my vocation. The desire to do something truly meaningful tugs stronger and stronger at my soul, and in some ways I feel like the opportunity to attain that kind of vocation slips a little further way with each cycle of seasons. Flowers open and close, reappear again and again. But I've been sown and am growing. I'm just not sure I'm in the right piece of earth.